My alter-ego: Grammar Bitch. (I wear a cape.)

They're really not interchangeable. (credit: Grammarly.com)

Okay, so here's the deal. We all make typos. I do it. You do it. Editors at The New York Times do it. I don't judge when people make typos. I really don't.

But I'm not gonna lie. I do judge when I see other mistakes that clearly aren't typos.

(Bracing for alienation in 3-2-1...)

Okay, if you're still here, let's do this. Let's get it alllllllll out.

Today I was reading a really, really good craft blog. The writer had a clever little craft. She was an engaging blogger. But then, at the end of the craft, she wrote,

"Wahla! There's you have it!"

No.

Nononononononononono.



Yes, it sounds like "wahla." But guys, it's not an English word. It's French. And it's spelled "voila." (Or voilà, if you have accent skillz. And yeah, see what I did there? I used the "z." Ironically. That's okay when you're Grammar Bitch. You can use bad grammar and bad spelling ironically. Because you see, when you're Grammar Bitch, you're a bad person anyway because really, you're just getting worked up over these niggling little issues, so you know, why not go all-in with the bitchiness? That's my mantra.)

Grammar Bitch, she's, well, a total bitch. People who are otherwise nice and funny and pleasant...well, they make one consisten but in-the-scheme-of-things minor error and Grammar Bitch gets all judgy like, "WHY the hell do people not understand that LOSE and LOOSE are not the same freakin' word? Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

Grammar Bitch, she's a drama queen.

And see, here's the thing: I know this is really just another form of snobbery. I do. And if people get judgy about me because of my weight or because I don't wear makeup or whatever, I'm all like, "What the hell, people? You suck!" But when I'm Grammar Bitch, I'm all like, "HIDE the grammar offenders on Facebook. Hide them, hide them all! And then speak in shorter sentences when you see them! Bwahahahaha!"

Thing is, I know I have friends who are already kinda self-conscious when they post on my stuff on FB. I mean, I make typos! I have an iPad and an iPhone I use on FB...that's like typo-palooza! People, there's a difference between typos and egregious bad grammar. Using the wrong "to" sometimes, or adding an apostrophe to "its" when you mean it to act as a possessive -- if I even notice, I don't think anything about it.

Here's what I do notice...I mean, these are some of the biggies.

• Obvious and consistent ignorance of the variations of "your," "there," "too" and other similar words.
• Using "sale" when you mean "sell" and vice-versa. Same for "lose" and "loose," which I mentioned earlier.
• Capitalizing Every Word In A Sentence. I mean, who does that? It confuses me because it takes EXTRA typing effort. I see this a lot in real estate...I don't know why, I just do.
• Speaking of real estate...Dining ≠ Dinning. There's one "N" in dining. One. Always.
• Apostrophes where there should be none. Apostrophes...they don't make thing's plural. They're not like a tow-hitch you have to attach to every word when you want an "s" on there. Add an apostrophe + s to show possession. 

Look at Grammar Girl! She's totally high on her self-righteous superpowers now. ;-) But come on. We all have these little quirks right? Right?

I hope so... ;-)